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I've been working this post out in my head over the past few weeks because I think the truth should be told:
20-30 minute workouts are a joke!!!
There. I said it!It's true.
You've all seen it.
Just 20 minutes a day to exercise.
Or...
Anyone can get fit only 30 minutes a day.
Can you believe it?
I don't.
I mean, if it really only took 20-30 minutes... yeah... sure... piece of cake! Mmmm.... cake... but I digress...
My 20-30 minute workouts NEVER turn out like that, though.
As a mom, here's what a 20-30 minute workout looks like:
What They Promise:
5 minutes: Warm up.
15-20 minutes: Moderate aerobic activity.
5 minutes: Cool down.
Don't you feel great now? All nice and relaxed?
15-20 minutes: Moderate aerobic activity.
5 minutes: Cool down.
Don't you feel great now? All nice and relaxed?
Here's How it Actually Goes:
5 minutes: Get the kids settled down in an activity so that you can workout.
5 minutes: Push aside toys and books to make adequate space in the living room.
1 minute: Remember what happened last time and go back and make sure you got all of the little Legos picked up!
5 minutes: Find some clean workout clothes... or at least something semi-clean, and change into them.
5 minutes: Look in the hall closet for your little dumbells, only to realize that you left them in the other closet by the shoes.
3 minutes: Shove everything back in the closet, and go grab your dumbells.
3 minutes: Clear out the toys that the kids dragged back into your exercise space.
2 minutes: Find the exercise dvd and put it on.
1 minute: Fast forward through the stupid introduction.
2 minutes: Pause the dvd and get a sippy of milk and a cracker for your, now whining, toddler.
4 minutes: Now get a quick snack and cups of juice for the other kids, because it just isn't fair that the toddler got some!
5 minutes: Finally start your warm up!
5 minutes: Now that the kids have finished their snack, pause the dvd, break up the argument over who's juice was better (even though it was the same juice), and once again set them each up with a quiet activity. Instruct them that you cannot be interrupted from your workout again.
15-20 minutes: Resume the dvd, work out...
... 5 minutes into it, try to complete the moves and keep your heart rate up while stepping over and dodging your toddler, who decided to join you because what you are doing looks a LOT more fun than the toys she was playing with.
... after another 5 minutes, sternly remind your squabbling 5 & 7 year olds that they "better not make you go over there!"
... after the next 5 minutes, the 5 & 7 year olds have joined you in an already too small space for this video, but at this point, you don't even care. But you DO put a stop to your 12 year old coming over to show you an algebra question that he is having trouble with. That can wait!
...you try to finish the workout the best you can...
5 minutes: Finally!!! The cool down!!! You take two deep breaths, and the phone rings! You answer it while your kids do the cool down in the background.
...10 minutes later: you put a movie on for the kids, trap the toddler in her play pen, and instruct the older kids to watch the younger kids while you go take a shower. You pay no attention to the fact that the toddler is whining, "I stuck!" because she can't get out of her play pen, and you tell your 12 year old to skip the algebra for now and work on his science.
FINALLY... you get in the shower... and your 5 year old knocks on the door because, "I needed to use the restroom and I didn't know you would be in there!"
Don't you feel great now? All nice and relaxed?
...well?
... don't you?
5 minutes: Get the kids settled down in an activity so that you can workout.
5 minutes: Push aside toys and books to make adequate space in the living room.
1 minute: Remember what happened last time and go back and make sure you got all of the little Legos picked up!
5 minutes: Find some clean workout clothes... or at least something semi-clean, and change into them.
5 minutes: Look in the hall closet for your little dumbells, only to realize that you left them in the other closet by the shoes.
3 minutes: Shove everything back in the closet, and go grab your dumbells.
3 minutes: Clear out the toys that the kids dragged back into your exercise space.
2 minutes: Find the exercise dvd and put it on.
1 minute: Fast forward through the stupid introduction.
2 minutes: Pause the dvd and get a sippy of milk and a cracker for your, now whining, toddler.
4 minutes: Now get a quick snack and cups of juice for the other kids, because it just isn't fair that the toddler got some!
5 minutes: Finally start your warm up!
5 minutes: Now that the kids have finished their snack, pause the dvd, break up the argument over who's juice was better (even though it was the same juice), and once again set them each up with a quiet activity. Instruct them that you cannot be interrupted from your workout again.
15-20 minutes: Resume the dvd, work out...
... 5 minutes into it, try to complete the moves and keep your heart rate up while stepping over and dodging your toddler, who decided to join you because what you are doing looks a LOT more fun than the toys she was playing with.
... after another 5 minutes, sternly remind your squabbling 5 & 7 year olds that they "better not make you go over there!"
... after the next 5 minutes, the 5 & 7 year olds have joined you in an already too small space for this video, but at this point, you don't even care. But you DO put a stop to your 12 year old coming over to show you an algebra question that he is having trouble with. That can wait!
...you try to finish the workout the best you can...
5 minutes: Finally!!! The cool down!!! You take two deep breaths, and the phone rings! You answer it while your kids do the cool down in the background.
...10 minutes later: you put a movie on for the kids, trap the toddler in her play pen, and instruct the older kids to watch the younger kids while you go take a shower. You pay no attention to the fact that the toddler is whining, "I stuck!" because she can't get out of her play pen, and you tell your 12 year old to skip the algebra for now and work on his science.
FINALLY... you get in the shower... and your 5 year old knocks on the door because, "I needed to use the restroom and I didn't know you would be in there!"
Don't you feel great now? All nice and relaxed?
...well?
... don't you?
You captured the mom workout perfectly! About the only excercise that I got when mine were babies and toddlers was pushing them around in the stroller!
ReplyDeleteHee hee right? That's about all I get too!
DeletePerfectly captured, Susie! I had to laugh when I read this! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sharla! ;-)
Deletelol...I love this! I've totally done that, a million times over! My kids hold still the longest if I jump on the treadmill the minute they wake up (if I've queued a show and provided snacks, of course)...but then there's still the whole shower time that nobody ever mentions in those "20 minute workouts." It's amazing what a couple kids can get into during one ten-minute shower!
ReplyDeleteOoh! Good planning, Carla! And I totally agree about the shower time! The second I leave the room, I can hear the "hurricane" going through the house! lol
DeleteI sometimes instruct the kids, "I want everything cleaned up by the time I get out of the shower." It doesn't always work, but I find it lessens the mess just a bit. hahaha!
This one is viral good!
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny! I've hit my toddler in the head...twice...while moving my arms as I tried to exercise. This is hysterical...and so true!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Why is it that they NEED to be right in the line of fire just at the wrong time? My youngest will happily play away from me UNTIL I decide to exercise... then all bets are off and she is right underfoot.
Delete